can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
