I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
