Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
