The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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