Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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