you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
