My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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