i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
