The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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