It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drake has all the answers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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