the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
