Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
