Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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