having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
