In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
