i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
