Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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