I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
