I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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