I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
