im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
