would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
