i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
