I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
