I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
