Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This baby is an asshole
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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