Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
