he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
