He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
