Plan B is the new Plan A
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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