OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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