i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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