he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
