Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
