Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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