We won't sleep together?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
