I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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