i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
