Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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