'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
