p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
