I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
