I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This is my gift to your gina
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
