Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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