well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
