Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
