No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
