i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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