there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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