come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
