Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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